DO what you CAN, and LOVE what you CAN DO (Pre-surgery thoughts)

For weeks I’ve had the feeling that I should record some thoughts prior to my big foot surgery coming up.  Perhaps it’s just a little anxiety causing me to reflect a little more as I prepare to undergo a major procedure.  (I'll be having reconstructive flat foot surgery - several procedures that will correct the structure of my foot, create an arch, and relieve the tension on my torn tendons).  I recognize that people have surgeries all the time and there really shouldn’t be much to worry about, but it feels like a big deal for me and for whatever reason, I feel the need to express some of these thoughts building up inside. 

Perspective

The recent struggle with my feet has been one of my biggest challenges in this life thus far.  I was born with flat feet and had some issues with pain as a young child, but over time my symptoms lessened and as long as I wore supportive shoes for times when I'd be walking a lot.  I got along just fine and could live an active life.  

After a big change for our family in 2015 – moving a couple hours away from the place we grew up and had been so settled in, the last thing I expected was to undergo physical health issues.  I was more concerned about how my kids would adjust – if they’d make new friends.  I worried about how we’d all transition. With the move, we were given so many temporal blessings – more space for our growing family and things we had always dreamed of, like a swimming pool and pool table.  I have felt so much gratitude for these blessings, recognizing that we have more than we need.  Sometimes I wonder if I was “blessed” with these feet issues to help me stay humble and not take life for granted.  The size of our home has in some ways become an added struggle now that I’m having so much trouble being on my feet. It has helped me recognize that all these “things” that we recently acquired have no eternal value and my physical, emotional, and spiritual health have become the priority.  However, I still have so much to appreciate in our home and I have not stopped trying to make it a space where our family can make a lifetime of memories.  This home has given me opportunities to create.  I’m discovering talents within that give me an outlet and allow me to acquire knowledge.  

When we moved, we joined the local family gym, excited that we might have a more active life.  Brandon and I had both just been on a health kick and had competed in a couple intense obstacle course races and were starting to adopt better lifestyle habits.  As I started to increase my activity level, the pain in my feet started setting in and I went from doing any exercise I wanted to having to be very selective in the gym or otherwise.  I may have created the perfect storm by wearing my flip flops everyday in the hot weather up and down the stairs (which we didn't have in our previous home) - and then going for a run without realizing I forgot to put my orthotics in.  Walking became painful.  I stopped exercising for some time because I was so discouraged.  I went through a period of frustration and some depression, not knowing what to do about my feet.  As I took the time to see doctors and investigate my physical situation, I would try to stay positive and just keep up with life, while attempting to take care of my feet the best I could.  I taped them with KT tape, wore foot braces, and even a boot to try to decrease the pain.  I had a few doctors discuss the option of surgery, but I didn’t feel like I was ready for such an extreme measure.  I have young kids and I couldn't imagine being laid up for several months.  

Ultimately, a year and half later, 5 doctors, and one failed less-invasive surgery procedure, I conceded to reconstructive foot surgery, hoping that it is the answer for a full recovery.  The bummer is that I not only have to do this once, but twice in one year.  After finally finding a doctor who I felt really comfortable with,  I was ready to commit.  

There will never be a good time to do this.  I’m nervous about what it will mean for my family and how I’m going to become such a burden on them.  But, it came down to the question of whether I’d want to try to live in this state for several more years, or have the procedure done and be on the road to recovery sooner.  I want to have more years ahead of me with good feet – I figure it’s worth the sacrifice now so that I can enjoy life more fully afterwards. 

So, as clarity began to set in after a long struggle with what to do, I felt a deep sense of PERSPECTIVE in my life.  Heavenly Father was teaching me something.  I have been growing this last year and a half, but in different ways than expected.  I had moments of this perspective early on that kept me going.  Like one morning when I went to the pool at the gym because at the time that was the only form of exercise I could handle – and as I limped out onto the pool deck, there sat a woman’s prosthetic leg on the edge of the pool deck.  I came to find out that she came every morning.  It was so humbling to me at the time.  It made me feel gratitude that I still had my feet and it was inspiring to see someone so committed when they had every excuse not to be.  Maybe I would never run or jump again, but I could swim.  And I could still walk – just not as well as I wanted to.

I began to swim more.  I wasn’t going everyday, but I realized it was an exercise I could do and I told myself that I no longer had any excuses not to do something good for my body.  As my perspective changed, I was able to focus on trying to stay healthy the best way I could and looking for answers from doctors about my feet.  I simply just kept going, trusting in the Lord that He would help me discover the answers I needed.  I accepted my new situation, but still had hope for long-term improvements.  During my scattered swims at the pool, I learned to appreciate the moments of solitude.  The water was one place I could have no distractions – I listened to my own breath and own thoughts as I swam up and down the pool.  On one particular morning, I had a clear impression to adopt a motto for myself to live by.  These are the words that came into my mind:

“DO WHAT YOU CAN, AND LOVE WHAT YOU CAN DO.”  

I decided right then that this would be my new goal.  Maybe my feet will never be the same, but there are still things I can do.  So, I’m going to love those things.  I’m going to take life one day at a time and love every minute I can.  As I’m now less than a week away from my surgery, I’m already making plans in my mind to stay as active as possible, even while couch bound and recovering.  In terms of exercise, I know that my arms and core will still work.  I’ve already been jotting down some “sit and be fit” type exercises.  And, since I know I won’t be able to be on my feet for an extended amount of time, there are also other things that I plan to do to keep my mind engaged and to build my testimony and even re-connect with my kids a little more.  I plan to dive into the scriptures more.  I feel like the Lord is giving me this opportunity to have the TIME and less distractions to allow me to do one of the things that doesn’t come easy for me.  I have a great desire in my heart to study the scriptures more regularly.  I want to take advantage of this opportunity.  Along with that, I’ll have more time to do some family history work, since it’s all done online now.  I’m also hoping to make time to better organize our family finances and it will also be a great time to organize family pictures and make another album that we can have as a keepsake.   Maybe I’ll even design some furniture so I can get right to building things again when I’m able to get around.

I worry a little that I’m being a little too over zealous about all the things I want to do from the couch, but right now it’s what’s helping me think that I can still experience some kind of normalcy.  Perhaps the pain and meds will prove to derail me for a while, but at least I know I have plenty of things to keep me going when I’m ready. 

I feel so blessed for the family and friends that surround me.  So many people have already offered to help when needed and I’m just so grateful for that added support.  Brandon will be working from home for a few weeks and we will kind of play things by ear.  We will get through this.  My bigger hope is that I’m strong and brave enough to do my other foot before the end of the year.  It’s going to be a long road to recovery, but I feel as prepared as I can be.  And lastly, I pray that my husband can endure the process and keep his sanity too while having to wear all the hats.  But there's no denying that we have an incredible support system around us with neighbors, friends, and family ready and willing to step in where they can.  I will forever feel indebted to them and when I'm back on my feet again, I hope to pay it forward.  

Looking into the New Year...Window Trim

After the holidays, I turned my attention back to projects in the house.  The windows in the living/dinging room needed something....

Left side is the original window (and wall color) and the right is how we spruced it up!

We have a large open floor plan living/dining room (in our case a pool table room) and there are 6 good sized windows in the space, but they all looked like the pic above.  Faux wood blinds, a window sill, but no trim. And we haven't added any drapes or anything as of yet.  

Because I really like the craftsman style, I decided I'd like to pull that into this room to give it an updated feel.  Trying to stay simple and keep the budget low, I trimmed out the windows with 1x4 pine.  First I cut the protruding window sill off and made it flush with the wall using my dremel tool.  It was kind of a slow process, but worked well.  (more pics and details to come) I chose not to rip the whole sill out in case it caused more damage than I wanted.

Then we just made a simple frame around the window, with a 1" overlap on top and bottom.

  

I love the contrasting white trim against the gray.  It's a simple, yet stunning change. 

Fireplace Wall Makeover

When we moved into this home, I knew instantly what I wanted for our family room wall. Built-in bookcases on either side of the fireplace. It only took me a year and a half to finally start the project. It took a ton of planning before I felt ready to take this on.  Before committing to an plan, I drew it up in Google Sketchup.  Here's where my idea started:

Up until this last month, this plan didn't even include updating the fireplace.  When we first moved in, the wall was dark brown, with nothing but rounded edged mantle, the same color as the wall.  When we had our fence replaced in the backyard, I held onto some of the wood and gave the wall a little character by adding some planks all the way up to the ceiling.  But it still looked to bare to me.
Once I got really serious about starting the bookcases on either side of the fireplace, I realized something: That I would really regret doing the bookcases if the fireplace was still ugly. I'd be creating more work for myself in the long run if I built those and wanted to change the tile or mantle down the road. So, ambition took over and I demoed the tile the next day.  Honestly, at that point I was a little nervous about pulling the whole project off. You see, I've never tiled before...

This is what it looked like when I started taking the wall tiles off the surround.  Definitely had to replace the drywall now too.  

The tileless fireplace.  Deep breath.  You can do this.

Guess where I have to go next?...or maybe I went before demo, I can't remember!

Here's kind of a before pic...less the tile.  Lots of bare wall on either side.  Tile was 12" square beige stone looking - not terrible, but definitely outdated.  

Here you can kind of see the old tile in the background.  You just have to look past my cute family. 

Here's how I gave the fireplace insert an uplift.  I used a roll of painting paper and taped everything off. Then I spray painted over it with a nice semi-gloss black. I actually started with a  heat resistant spray paint first (to be on the safe side), but it was too dull for my liking, so I put a couple more coats on with a regular semi-gloss spray paint. 

Tile and fireplace paint completed.  The tiling was the biggest challenge for me.  But for a first timer, I think it turned out ok.  I panicked a little the night I started tiling, because I wasn't so sure it was going to work.  I had a hard time getting tiles to stay in place, I only had a manual tile cutter (score/snap type) that didn't always make clean breaks, and the fireplace insert wasn't very flush with the drywall. 

Next came the mantle.  I decided to remove the existing wood top I had made and give it a fresh look, which would add contrast to the wood on the wall.  Measurements were the trickiest part.  I decided to build the columns and mantle out of mdf, since I knew I wanted to paint it.  I got lucky and found sheets of mdf at HD for 75% off!  I had HD rip the MDF for me so I could easily transport it home and it was a huge help to already have such long pieces cut to size.   I built the columns first so I could put them in place and measure how wide the mantle needed to be.  

The picture above is what my hubby came home to after being gone on a  business trip.  It was in it's original form before he left.  I never sent him pictures or told him of my progress, so he was quite surprised!  (Honestly, I was so worried about failing that I didn't want him to be worried about it as well)  But he knew I was up to something with the fireplace. 

Now for the bookcases.  I originally had planned to build all the bookcases from scratch, but ultimately I was intrigued to try a hack.  I found these $17 bookcases at Walmart and realized that two of them would fit almost perfectly on either side.   I raised the bookcases on a frame made of 2x3s, which allowed me to add baseboards on the bottom.  

I secured the cabinets to each other and to the wall.  (I had to add a piece of wood to the top inside of each cabinet so I could then anchor the cabinet to a stud).

I used 1x3s on each side of the cabinets (by the wall and between the cabinet and fireplace column) by attaching a 2x3 cleat to the side of the cabinet and nailing the trim piece to it.

Then I cut a top piece from more MDF, which was also tricky because the walls aren't straight! After a few coats of paint and silicone caulk, it was looking good! 

At last, I added doors.  This was a lengthy process, especially tedious in measuring.  Eight doors in all, framed with my kreg jig.  I used a decorative aluminum sheet for the inside of the door frame, mainly because I was concerned that our wifi equipment might overheat or experience signal loss if the doors were solid.  Maybe it would have been fine, but I kind of like the extra character anyway. 

No longer a boring wall.  Hit Hobby Lobby for a few decorative elements and now we have some more storage for the books that are still in boxes in our bedroom closet!  

4 Little Ghosts!

This year we're doing a playgroup for my 3 year old.  Every Monday they get to have their own boys club (there's 5 in all - one boy didn't make it this day).  Today we learned about the letter "G" and made some cool windsock ghosts.  They may not have wanted to put that much time into making them, but they for sure ran around outside for a half hour "boo-ing" while flying their ghosts all around the court.  Totally worth it.  Dane even slept with his ghost for naptime.

Welcome back Franky!

Happy Halloween!  After our move last year we personalized our new door for Halloween.  Frankenstein had to make his way back this year...it just took me a couple weeks to get around to it.  He at least brings a little personality to the porch.  Someday I'll make time to give that a little more attention.  But for now, Franky will have to take the spotlight.