DO what you CAN, and LOVE what you CAN DO (Pre-surgery thoughts)

For weeks I’ve had the feeling that I should record some thoughts prior to my big foot surgery coming up.  Perhaps it’s just a little anxiety causing me to reflect a little more as I prepare to undergo a major procedure.  (I'll be having reconstructive flat foot surgery - several procedures that will correct the structure of my foot, create an arch, and relieve the tension on my torn tendons).  I recognize that people have surgeries all the time and there really shouldn’t be much to worry about, but it feels like a big deal for me and for whatever reason, I feel the need to express some of these thoughts building up inside. 

Perspective

The recent struggle with my feet has been one of my biggest challenges in this life thus far.  I was born with flat feet and had some issues with pain as a young child, but over time my symptoms lessened and as long as I wore supportive shoes for times when I'd be walking a lot.  I got along just fine and could live an active life.  

After a big change for our family in 2015 – moving a couple hours away from the place we grew up and had been so settled in, the last thing I expected was to undergo physical health issues.  I was more concerned about how my kids would adjust – if they’d make new friends.  I worried about how we’d all transition. With the move, we were given so many temporal blessings – more space for our growing family and things we had always dreamed of, like a swimming pool and pool table.  I have felt so much gratitude for these blessings, recognizing that we have more than we need.  Sometimes I wonder if I was “blessed” with these feet issues to help me stay humble and not take life for granted.  The size of our home has in some ways become an added struggle now that I’m having so much trouble being on my feet. It has helped me recognize that all these “things” that we recently acquired have no eternal value and my physical, emotional, and spiritual health have become the priority.  However, I still have so much to appreciate in our home and I have not stopped trying to make it a space where our family can make a lifetime of memories.  This home has given me opportunities to create.  I’m discovering talents within that give me an outlet and allow me to acquire knowledge.  

When we moved, we joined the local family gym, excited that we might have a more active life.  Brandon and I had both just been on a health kick and had competed in a couple intense obstacle course races and were starting to adopt better lifestyle habits.  As I started to increase my activity level, the pain in my feet started setting in and I went from doing any exercise I wanted to having to be very selective in the gym or otherwise.  I may have created the perfect storm by wearing my flip flops everyday in the hot weather up and down the stairs (which we didn't have in our previous home) - and then going for a run without realizing I forgot to put my orthotics in.  Walking became painful.  I stopped exercising for some time because I was so discouraged.  I went through a period of frustration and some depression, not knowing what to do about my feet.  As I took the time to see doctors and investigate my physical situation, I would try to stay positive and just keep up with life, while attempting to take care of my feet the best I could.  I taped them with KT tape, wore foot braces, and even a boot to try to decrease the pain.  I had a few doctors discuss the option of surgery, but I didn’t feel like I was ready for such an extreme measure.  I have young kids and I couldn't imagine being laid up for several months.  

Ultimately, a year and half later, 5 doctors, and one failed less-invasive surgery procedure, I conceded to reconstructive foot surgery, hoping that it is the answer for a full recovery.  The bummer is that I not only have to do this once, but twice in one year.  After finally finding a doctor who I felt really comfortable with,  I was ready to commit.  

There will never be a good time to do this.  I’m nervous about what it will mean for my family and how I’m going to become such a burden on them.  But, it came down to the question of whether I’d want to try to live in this state for several more years, or have the procedure done and be on the road to recovery sooner.  I want to have more years ahead of me with good feet – I figure it’s worth the sacrifice now so that I can enjoy life more fully afterwards. 

So, as clarity began to set in after a long struggle with what to do, I felt a deep sense of PERSPECTIVE in my life.  Heavenly Father was teaching me something.  I have been growing this last year and a half, but in different ways than expected.  I had moments of this perspective early on that kept me going.  Like one morning when I went to the pool at the gym because at the time that was the only form of exercise I could handle – and as I limped out onto the pool deck, there sat a woman’s prosthetic leg on the edge of the pool deck.  I came to find out that she came every morning.  It was so humbling to me at the time.  It made me feel gratitude that I still had my feet and it was inspiring to see someone so committed when they had every excuse not to be.  Maybe I would never run or jump again, but I could swim.  And I could still walk – just not as well as I wanted to.

I began to swim more.  I wasn’t going everyday, but I realized it was an exercise I could do and I told myself that I no longer had any excuses not to do something good for my body.  As my perspective changed, I was able to focus on trying to stay healthy the best way I could and looking for answers from doctors about my feet.  I simply just kept going, trusting in the Lord that He would help me discover the answers I needed.  I accepted my new situation, but still had hope for long-term improvements.  During my scattered swims at the pool, I learned to appreciate the moments of solitude.  The water was one place I could have no distractions – I listened to my own breath and own thoughts as I swam up and down the pool.  On one particular morning, I had a clear impression to adopt a motto for myself to live by.  These are the words that came into my mind:

“DO WHAT YOU CAN, AND LOVE WHAT YOU CAN DO.”  

I decided right then that this would be my new goal.  Maybe my feet will never be the same, but there are still things I can do.  So, I’m going to love those things.  I’m going to take life one day at a time and love every minute I can.  As I’m now less than a week away from my surgery, I’m already making plans in my mind to stay as active as possible, even while couch bound and recovering.  In terms of exercise, I know that my arms and core will still work.  I’ve already been jotting down some “sit and be fit” type exercises.  And, since I know I won’t be able to be on my feet for an extended amount of time, there are also other things that I plan to do to keep my mind engaged and to build my testimony and even re-connect with my kids a little more.  I plan to dive into the scriptures more.  I feel like the Lord is giving me this opportunity to have the TIME and less distractions to allow me to do one of the things that doesn’t come easy for me.  I have a great desire in my heart to study the scriptures more regularly.  I want to take advantage of this opportunity.  Along with that, I’ll have more time to do some family history work, since it’s all done online now.  I’m also hoping to make time to better organize our family finances and it will also be a great time to organize family pictures and make another album that we can have as a keepsake.   Maybe I’ll even design some furniture so I can get right to building things again when I’m able to get around.

I worry a little that I’m being a little too over zealous about all the things I want to do from the couch, but right now it’s what’s helping me think that I can still experience some kind of normalcy.  Perhaps the pain and meds will prove to derail me for a while, but at least I know I have plenty of things to keep me going when I’m ready. 

I feel so blessed for the family and friends that surround me.  So many people have already offered to help when needed and I’m just so grateful for that added support.  Brandon will be working from home for a few weeks and we will kind of play things by ear.  We will get through this.  My bigger hope is that I’m strong and brave enough to do my other foot before the end of the year.  It’s going to be a long road to recovery, but I feel as prepared as I can be.  And lastly, I pray that my husband can endure the process and keep his sanity too while having to wear all the hats.  But there's no denying that we have an incredible support system around us with neighbors, friends, and family ready and willing to step in where they can.  I will forever feel indebted to them and when I'm back on my feet again, I hope to pay it forward.  

Looking into the New Year...Window Trim

After the holidays, I turned my attention back to projects in the house.  The windows in the living/dinging room needed something....

Left side is the original window (and wall color) and the right is how we spruced it up!

We have a large open floor plan living/dining room (in our case a pool table room) and there are 6 good sized windows in the space, but they all looked like the pic above.  Faux wood blinds, a window sill, but no trim. And we haven't added any drapes or anything as of yet.  

Because I really like the craftsman style, I decided I'd like to pull that into this room to give it an updated feel.  Trying to stay simple and keep the budget low, I trimmed out the windows with 1x4 pine.  First I cut the protruding window sill off and made it flush with the wall using my dremel tool.  It was kind of a slow process, but worked well.  (more pics and details to come) I chose not to rip the whole sill out in case it caused more damage than I wanted.

Then we just made a simple frame around the window, with a 1" overlap on top and bottom.

  

I love the contrasting white trim against the gray.  It's a simple, yet stunning change. 

Fireplace Wall Makeover

When we moved into this home, I knew instantly what I wanted for our family room wall. Built-in bookcases on either side of the fireplace. It only took me a year and a half to finally start the project. It took a ton of planning before I felt ready to take this on.  Before committing to an plan, I drew it up in Google Sketchup.  Here's where my idea started:

Up until this last month, this plan didn't even include updating the fireplace.  When we first moved in, the wall was dark brown, with nothing but rounded edged mantle, the same color as the wall.  When we had our fence replaced in the backyard, I held onto some of the wood and gave the wall a little character by adding some planks all the way up to the ceiling.  But it still looked to bare to me.
Once I got really serious about starting the bookcases on either side of the fireplace, I realized something: That I would really regret doing the bookcases if the fireplace was still ugly. I'd be creating more work for myself in the long run if I built those and wanted to change the tile or mantle down the road. So, ambition took over and I demoed the tile the next day.  Honestly, at that point I was a little nervous about pulling the whole project off. You see, I've never tiled before...

This is what it looked like when I started taking the wall tiles off the surround.  Definitely had to replace the drywall now too.  

The tileless fireplace.  Deep breath.  You can do this.

Guess where I have to go next?...or maybe I went before demo, I can't remember!

Here's kind of a before pic...less the tile.  Lots of bare wall on either side.  Tile was 12" square beige stone looking - not terrible, but definitely outdated.  

Here you can kind of see the old tile in the background.  You just have to look past my cute family. 

Here's how I gave the fireplace insert an uplift.  I used a roll of painting paper and taped everything off. Then I spray painted over it with a nice semi-gloss black. I actually started with a  heat resistant spray paint first (to be on the safe side), but it was too dull for my liking, so I put a couple more coats on with a regular semi-gloss spray paint. 

Tile and fireplace paint completed.  The tiling was the biggest challenge for me.  But for a first timer, I think it turned out ok.  I panicked a little the night I started tiling, because I wasn't so sure it was going to work.  I had a hard time getting tiles to stay in place, I only had a manual tile cutter (score/snap type) that didn't always make clean breaks, and the fireplace insert wasn't very flush with the drywall. 

Next came the mantle.  I decided to remove the existing wood top I had made and give it a fresh look, which would add contrast to the wood on the wall.  Measurements were the trickiest part.  I decided to build the columns and mantle out of mdf, since I knew I wanted to paint it.  I got lucky and found sheets of mdf at HD for 75% off!  I had HD rip the MDF for me so I could easily transport it home and it was a huge help to already have such long pieces cut to size.   I built the columns first so I could put them in place and measure how wide the mantle needed to be.  

The picture above is what my hubby came home to after being gone on a  business trip.  It was in it's original form before he left.  I never sent him pictures or told him of my progress, so he was quite surprised!  (Honestly, I was so worried about failing that I didn't want him to be worried about it as well)  But he knew I was up to something with the fireplace. 

Now for the bookcases.  I originally had planned to build all the bookcases from scratch, but ultimately I was intrigued to try a hack.  I found these $17 bookcases at Walmart and realized that two of them would fit almost perfectly on either side.   I raised the bookcases on a frame made of 2x3s, which allowed me to add baseboards on the bottom.  

I secured the cabinets to each other and to the wall.  (I had to add a piece of wood to the top inside of each cabinet so I could then anchor the cabinet to a stud).

I used 1x3s on each side of the cabinets (by the wall and between the cabinet and fireplace column) by attaching a 2x3 cleat to the side of the cabinet and nailing the trim piece to it.

Then I cut a top piece from more MDF, which was also tricky because the walls aren't straight! After a few coats of paint and silicone caulk, it was looking good! 

At last, I added doors.  This was a lengthy process, especially tedious in measuring.  Eight doors in all, framed with my kreg jig.  I used a decorative aluminum sheet for the inside of the door frame, mainly because I was concerned that our wifi equipment might overheat or experience signal loss if the doors were solid.  Maybe it would have been fine, but I kind of like the extra character anyway. 

No longer a boring wall.  Hit Hobby Lobby for a few decorative elements and now we have some more storage for the books that are still in boxes in our bedroom closet!  

4 Little Ghosts!

This year we're doing a playgroup for my 3 year old.  Every Monday they get to have their own boys club (there's 5 in all - one boy didn't make it this day).  Today we learned about the letter "G" and made some cool windsock ghosts.  They may not have wanted to put that much time into making them, but they for sure ran around outside for a half hour "boo-ing" while flying their ghosts all around the court.  Totally worth it.  Dane even slept with his ghost for naptime.

Welcome back Franky!

Happy Halloween!  After our move last year we personalized our new door for Halloween.  Frankenstein had to make his way back this year...it just took me a couple weeks to get around to it.  He at least brings a little personality to the porch.  Someday I'll make time to give that a little more attention.  But for now, Franky will have to take the spotlight.

Supermarket Sweep FHE

As I sat down to dinner with my kids tonight, I knew I still needed to come up with some kind of Family Home Evening Lesson (what we do every Monday night).  Dad was out of town again and I was already feeling backlogged with dishes and laundry and hadn't thought much about  a lesson.  When I mentioned needing to have FHE, my oldest said, "Can we please do something FUN instead of just sitting around and talking?"  Ugh, extra pressure now, I thought.  I told the kids I had a lot I needed to do, so it probably needed to be something quick and easy, and then it hit me:  I really needed to go grocery shopping and maybe we can somehow make that fun.  Visions of "Supermarket Sweep" came to mind - the exciting game show I used to watch as a kid.  Contestants would race through the supermarket to get all the items on their list the fastest and within budget.  It was decided.  We would do our own version of Supermarket Sweep!

Prior to leaving we discussed grocery store layout.  I actually drew a birds eye layout of the store on a piece of paper and pointed out where all the food categories were located.  We also discussed how to "shop around the edges" of the store for healthier choices.  The kids then helped make grocery lists. They helped inspect the fridge and the pantry and wrote down what we needed.  We split the list in two so each team had one.  The boys would be with mom and the 11 and 6 year old sisters would go off on their own in the store. I told the kids that we had 30min to get everything on the list...including ice cream for a reward.  

I guided the boys a lot, but the girls were totally into it and didn't want me to follow them at all!  At checkout, they bagged their own groceries, then helped me load/unload and put away.  I was impressed that they all did so well and it was one of the fastest grocery trips I've ever made (with kids)!  Plus, they were really excited to see who guessed the closest to the cost for groceries. 

On the ride home, we talked about what they thought about it and what seemed hard.  A couple comments included: "It's expensive to feed a big family" and "It's hard to shop with kids and not get distracted". Maybe they don't have to be all grown up to 'get it'. There's nothing like teaching great life lessons while being able to cross some to-dos off my list!  A special thanks to my 4 helpers tonight.

A Tribute to HOME

Almost 9 years ago, our little family moved into this home.  It was a dream house for us at the time, moving from a townhome with no garage or backyard.  We didn't gain much living space, but we felt so blessed to own a single family home where we could continue to raise our children - in a great neighborhood in our hometown, right across the street from the school! 

Our oldest was 2 at the time, and I was expecting our son, who arrived 3 weeks after we moved in.  We scrimped and saved every penny we could to make ends meet.  We were essentially "house poor" for quite a while, but it felt worth it to live near family and in a place we loved.  We are frugal by nature anyway, so we found ways to make our home a beautiful place that we could enjoy.  This home may only be 1153 sq ft., but it's loaded with love, memories, and some elbow grease.  It's hard to say that this structure is "just a house".  It has been way more than that to us and we're going to miss it.  

The chorus in the song "Little Houses" by Doug Stone sums it all up:

Love grows best in little houses,

with fewer walls to separate.

Where you eat and sleep so close together, 

you can't help but communicate.

If we had more room between us, 

think of all we'd miss.

Love grows best in houses just like this. 

I won't be able to post this saying in our 4000 sq ft. home that we're moving to, but there's a lot of truth to these words.  We can appreciate being close as a family and having to 'make-do' with the space we have.  Is a bigger home going to feel great?  Yes.  But I already imagine that we will have to make a bigger effort as a family to stay close since we'll have a more 'personal' space to avoid some of the communication opportunities that you get in a really small home.  (On the flip side, it will also be beneficial that we will get to keep some of our conversations to ourselves in a bigger home!)

Whichever way you look at it, there's so much to appreciate.  This is an exciting change for our family, yet I would never take back the experiences and memories that have come with this home. We've had several birthday parties, after school play dates, co-op preschool, and family gatherings in this place.

I may have mentioned before that I have a tendency to rearrange furniture often and redecorate my spaces more often than my husband cares for.  As a kid I constantly rearranged my room and deep cleaned it as I went.  I find it rejuvenating.  The only problem had been that there was very little space to change, but that didn't stop me.  Here's a visual of how many times the  2nd bedroom changed in the last 8 years.  I guess most of it had to do with the beds changing, but this kind of sums up my need to change things.  

It only took me 6 years to convince my hubby that we needed to knock down the wall between the family room and kitchen.  It finally happened 2.5 years go.  We've never looked back.  It changed my life.  I will forever love this part of the house!  Here you can see the transformation take place...

 ...A Tribute to our HOME.  We will miss you!

                            

                            

  \

It's all about BALANCE [Faith]

Today I was reminded of the first time I saw towers of balanced rocks on the beach.  It was obvious that they were stacked by a person, but it was also unbelievable that they were not falling.  The interesting thing to me was that it almost didn't matter what kind of rock it was (big, small, or lopsided), but that it seemed to just have to be positioned properly in order to balance it.  Someone found that exact spot on each rock that would allow it to balance on top of the rock beneath it.  Maybe they sifted through rocks and looked for one that would work best, but no matter the process, every rock was different and somehow working in unison with the stack of other rocks, creating its own unique tower.  No doubt, this process requires someone with a steady hand and great patience.  It's an art.

My life seems to have a lot of different rocks in it right now.  And it feels as though they are just in a heaping pile right at my feet.  I don't know how to sort them or balance them most of the time.  Sometimes I get a few stacked and balanced and the next one I try to put on top causes my tower to collapse.  Life brings us all sorts of things to balance.  Sometimes our rocks are heavier and more lopsided than others, but this doesn't mean we can't find a balance.  

When I hit "rock bottom" (couldn't resist the pun) and life seems to come crashing down all at once, I realize how much I need to turn to the Lord to help me re-balance and rebuild.  Sometimes it's just those days that there's way too much to do around the house and my little mess-makers helpers continue to undo my hard work.  Other times there are more serious family concerns or trials that overwhelm us spiritually and emotionally.  Whatever the burden, I know that my Savior is the steady hand that has carried every rock and every burden that I will experience.  No matter how small or large our burdens or trials are, he graciously commits to carry them with us - if we allow Him.

The following message from Elder D. Todd Christofferson reminds us to just "take life one day at a time".  So, whether it's laundry piles and dishes in the sink that I think I'll never get to or greater concerns that weigh heavy on my heart, I will take it one day at a time and allow the Lord to lead me through this life.

Or you can watch it here:
https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2013-08-013-daily-bread-experience?category=mormon-messages/mormon-messages-2013&lang=eng&cid=HPWE100814473

$20 Porch-lift

This is our porch.  Bleh.

Several months ago, the ugly, worn CARPET, that had been previously installed by other owners finally ripped - right at the step, so it was a major safety hazard.  So, I ripped up the carpet one day only to find this pretty picture underneath.  This is all the glue residue left behind.  Some marks are actually from the grinder from when my hubs tried to grind it off - without much success.  

From here we needed to figure out what to do wit this porch without breaking the bank.  Tiling was ultimately what we thought we would do.  We visited the home improvement stores and some tile stores and realized it would be at least a few hundred dollars just to buy the tiling supplies - plus, we've never tiled a porch before, so we had our hesitations.  Months passed and we continued to let it slip to the bottom of the project list.

Finally, we had had enough of our ugly porch!  We decided to restart our research and this time we starting looking into concrete resurfacing.  A family member mentioned they knew of a company who did that so we called and ultimately found out that they had a $2000 minimum contract - so that was out.  We only have less than a 30 square foot area to cover.  Sure, we have plenty of places around the house that could probably use resurfacing, but we weren't ready to fork over the money for that yet.

Obviously the next logical step:  YOUTUBE!  The hubs and I sat down one afternoon and searched through several videos on how to fix our troubled porch.  Here's the one that convinced us that we could do this:

I picked up a 40lb bag of Quikrete Concrete Resufacer from Lowes for $20.  (Actually I bought 2 bags just in case, but we only needed one).  Each bag says it will cover about 35 sq ft at 1/8" thick

Step #1: Clean and Prep the surface

Power-wash or brush and vacuum old surface

The night before we power-washed the original concrete to remove anything that might keep the resurfacing material from adhering properly.  Remember all the glue crud that was stuck to the porch? This actually started to come up with the pressure washer, so we realized that we needed to do our best to get the rest off.  This was the hardest part.  We got chisels and went to town.  Once it looked pretty clean of residue, we were ready for the next step.  

Men at work.

 "One of these things is not like the other"....(the little man's contribution to the tools)

Step #2: Wet surface

Pull out the hose and give your area a good spray and then brush off any standing water or puddles.

Step #3: Mix the Quikrete Resurfacer

Fill a 5 gallon bucket with 3.5 quarts of water (but you may need to add more water later).  Then slowly add the concrete mix into the water and mix for 5 minutes using a mixing bit attached to an electric drill.  (This seems like a long time, but I would recommend not cutting it short)

Here are the tools you'll need for the job: 

Power drill, mixing bit, concrete trowel, edging trowel

Also, the video recommends using a concrete broom to make it a non-slip surface (adds texture), but we actually used a large car sponge instead

Step #4:  Pour the mixture and spread with trowel 

Start with a small area and begin to spread the concrete evenly over the surface using the concrete trowel.  *Make sure you plan out which direction you're working so you don't back yourself into a corner or have to step over your work.

In our case, our mixture was a little on the thick side, so seemed like it wasn't spreading very easily.  At that point, we used a spray bottle to wet the mix that we poured and it help a ton to wet it down a bit.  We ended up adding more water to the bucket too.  Every time it got sticky or wasn't spreading smooth, we sprayed it down with the squirt bottle.

The step was the most difficult part.  Since it's a vertical surface, the concrete mixture needs to be thicker in order to get it to stick.  This part took a little more finesse and there was some drop-off, so cover any other surface with newspaper that you don't want affected.  (We did this a little too late, so there's some residue on the walkway, but we'll probably end up resurfacing that too since the porch went well)

*Once the step is covered, let it set for a few minutes and then use the edging trowel to get a nice clean edge on your step. (If you feel like it doesn't look great at this point, don't worry - the sponge technique will remove any imperfections)

Step #6: Use broom or sponge to add texture

If you look closely at the picture above, you can see the more textured area further away from the front of the step.  When we first started troweling, it seemed like we couldn't get a perfectly smooth surface (we kept getting random streaks since it wasn't perfectly level).  However, we had the idea to use our car washing sponge (like the one pictured below) to lightly smooth over the area and it worked perfectly!  

*Note: Let the surface start to thicken up and dry before you do go over it with the broom or sponge (refer to video recommendations for the broom).  We probably waited at least 10-15 min before using the sponge and it was thicker to begin with.  And for the front step, we had to wait even longer.  You can gently rub down uneven spots and even give the edge on the step some roundness so it's not so sharp.  

Step 7: Let it Dry!

Remember to block off your newly resurfaced area to keep little hands and feet out!

(Our 10 yr old was excited to make her contribution with this sign: 

"Wet cement.  If you need us, please call.")

And here it is (mostly dry):

We will definitely be doing this again because we were very happy with the result!  Seriously, what a difference this made for only $20!!!  Now, that's my kind of home improvement project.  Now we're not the 'neighbors with the ugly porch' anymore.

We're hoping to tackle the walkway next.

Happy Trowling.